Gosh, I'd hate to interupt my last post as it is such a blessing but I have another post that although at first glance might seem like a "problem" it really isn't. It is really... beautiful.

We've had a bit of an explosion just moments ago. My precious Major Cutie had an all out scream fest...at me. All because I said no to reading a book. It's not that I didn't want to read the book but I am helping my kids realize that I don't have to say yes to every request and pointing out that when I do say no, all four of them give me grief and let me know how very mad they are at me. We are working on this. I don't have to grant them every request. I am not a genie. I am their mom and accountable before God for their character. So after having Major Cutie mad at me for saying no earlier in the day she had had enough when she was ready to listen to a story, and I said that little forbidden two letter word, no. This caused her to fall apart and landed her in a time-in at the dining room table chair looking out the window at the falling snow. Major Cutie then let it all out. Screaming that she was going to be mad at me forever. That she wasn't going to be mad at anyone else in the house (not even God she stated) but only me. "Ever!" I kept my cool (thank you Jesus) and in between her yelling told her I loved her, even if she were mad at me. I told her that I would always love her and it didn't matter if she didn't like me. I still loved her.

And I do.

This was making MC really quite mad. I believe she wanted me to feel sad and react in anger. She just kept yelling and yelling and it was quite hateful. So I said that I needed to say something and she needed to keep her mouth quiet (I hope I said this with some grace!). I told her she could say all those hateful things and it still didn't change how I felt about her.

This was not good.

She hated that I said she was "hateful".

I told her I didn't say she was hateful but that she was saying hateful words. I asked her if she felt she were being loving and she screamed "NO, I was being hateful but I don't like you saying that to me!" I told her (several times as she just kept yelling this over and over) I was sorry she didn't like acting hateful, in which this precious little girl said,

" I don't like being hateful at you but I can't help it!" "I don't want to be hateful at you! I don't like it when I do that!" "But I can't stop!"

Wow. Do you see what is unfolding here? Do you realize how GOOD this is? It IS really a beautiful thing. My daughter is screaming out her grief and her anger. She is allowing herself to feel real anger and yet also feel love for me.

Major Cutie didn't know how to stop yelling at me. She didn't know how to change how she were feeling. I said she could sit quietly and rest. That she could sing a song in her heart, or talk to Jesus or watch the snow fall. She needed to sit in her time-in for her five minutes. I said she could slowly breathe in and out to calm down and that she could ask for forgiveness if she wanted too. But I made a commitment to myself to not demand it or to hold it against her if she never said she was sorry.

5 minutes later her time was up and she walked over crying and I bent down to be close to her and she fell into my arms and cried and cried. And I just let her. I said nothing. I wasn't sure I had words to say. I made sure my body was inviting and my face was loving. I had to be conscious of this. I wanted to rescue her and yet I know this is good for her. I held her for awhile and she told me how mad she was for not reading the book and I told her I knew. And shared how I was bummed about not always getting my way (my husband told me no this week as I begged to rescue a Great Dane). After awhile she changed the subject and needed to go potty. She slid down from my lap and said, "I am sorry." And I said I had forgiven her. And she said, "Thanks."

She has a beautiful heart.

I believe she is making room in her heart for healing and for me. It is a good thing. So good I wanted to share it with you before I forgot. Some of you know what I'm talking about.
lv,
jen