Not yet...

I have this really crazy heart for God. I mean crazy. I feel like I am ALWAYS begging Him to give me more stuff to do for Him. Tonight as I was driving home from getting groceries I turned off the radio and shared with Him my heart struggles with MC and at the same time asked Him to give me the opportunity to serve Him more. I think He said, "Not yet." I told God that I would do crazy things for Him. That I would bring in more children for Him. That I wanted to care for HIV+ children, for Him. I told God I wanted to speak for Him at church, in small groups, on the big stage...wherever that may be. And I think He said, "Not yet." I know for now my mission field is at home. And I want to fully be in the middle of His mission field, at home. I know I have so much to learn about myself, selfless sacrifice and Jesus. I know MC needs me so much to help her cross that bridge of trust and relationships. I know all my children need guidance and reassurance and they need to really know Him. The one I claim to do this all for. I just wanted to let God know that I am willing. Whenever He calls. And I'll work in my mission field He has laid before me with thankfulness and joy and wait ever so expectantly for the landscapes that lay beyond.