I am not sure if today was a break through or not...I didn't think a break through was needed...but perhaps it was...Early this week my Major Cutie was claiming she wanted to sleep on the floor, she didn't LIKE her bed...that never goes over well with me...well today was a day like that. Major Cutie received a baby doll stroller for her baby and she doesn't LIKE that one so I patiently, calming said, "oh, ok" and removed the unLIKED item to the garage. Well as you can imagine that didn't go over well. The feet started stomping and the lip started growing...until she couldn't contain her words...
MJ: I mad you take my stroller!
Me: I knowwww (Love and Logic strageries under way now)
MJ: I mad at you
Me: I know.
MJ: You make me mad at you.
Me. I know (honestly, no sarcism at all from me, just with empathy I say "I know")
MJ: I don't like you say 'I know'
Me: I know. But I love you too much to argue with you.
Repeat the last two lines about a dozen times...then...
MJ: You DON'T love me when I argue.
Me: Yes I do love you even when you are angry.
MJ:No you don't. You argue with me.
Me: hmm.
MJ: I don't want to live her EVER AGAIN! I don't like it here!
Me: I will love you wherever you live.
MJ: I don't want to live HERE. I live with my friend. I want to live with MY MOMMA MEDINA and my sister in Ethiopia....pausing here...and I am going to take Finnegan (the dog) to my friends!
Me: I will love you where ever you live even if you live in Ethiopia.
MJ: screaming...YOU DON'T LOVE ME!
Me: calming but shaking inside I say, "I do love you. I will always love you."
MJ: I don't want to live here ANYMORE in this safe, good house (I swear this is what she said)!
Me: You can go live at your friends I will love you wherever you live.
Ok, I am getting a bit hot inside and trying to hold it together. She is still crying and almost hysterical by now. But still yelling. So I go calmly and patiently and open the front door. This sends her into a hysteria and she yells...
MJ: I don't want to live with my friends! I don't want to go! (I am about to start bawling but I don't...) I do love you!! You are my FAVORITE mom!! I don't want to go!!
wow. It was intense and then I ask her is she wants to be picked up and hugged and she sobbs yes (praise God). I told her I was so glad she wanted to stay home. That I would miss her. I was shaking. It was her time to grieve today I guess and I am just so thankful to God that I knew it wasn't personal and that I could see her pain...
Moments later she asked to braid my hair and then ran upstairs to get Connect Four, she has been laughing and hugging me and hanging all over me ever since. So maybe after all a break through was needed.
Friday, February 22, 2008
well hey now...
Posted by I WOULD GATHER CHILDREN at 2/22/2008 05:28:00 PM
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14 comments:
You have a way with your words...it was like I was there! You handled that awesome. I am so glad that she was able to get out her frustrations and also grieve.
Your children are so beautiful. God bless you for reaching out to his precious gifts. Awsome.
Laura
Also, I went thru very similar situations with my daughter from Guatemala. I think children who are older (shes 6) go thru periods of feeling insecure and they want to make sure their new home is really their forever home. Sounds to me like God gave you all the right words to say and He held you together perfectly.
Laura
I'm have the biggest lump in my throat after reading that post. I would love to sit in the corner of your house with a pad of paper and just take notes on how you handle things. I am trying to prepare myself for the grieving that our child will experience (even as an infant), and it just feels so painful to go there. You handled it beautifully and with such grace. -Dee Dee
Wow! Thanks for sharing that with us. We can all learn from that experience. How did you stay calm and not cry???
Michelle
Way to go, Love & Logic, mamma!
My heart was breaking for you then overjoyed for you. Peace.
Thank you for sharing that! It is good to prepare ourselves for these kinds of moments, even with our biological daughter. It is so good to see how God can give you wisdom when you need it. This was encouraging:)
OK, I LOVE posts that make me cry.
That was an amazing interaction.
Sharon
What a great post. You are the perfect mom for your daughter.
Wow, I am going to keep your blog close at hand. We are adopting a 3 1/2 to 4 year old (not referred yet) and I may be yelling for you!!!!! If you go to my blog, I haven't announced it yet.
I have followed your blog some and I appreciate your wisdon and insight!
God bless!
Debbie
WOW!WOW! and WOW! What an emotional time! You have such a gift in heard what is really being said!
Amanda
Wow, you really handled that well. I can only imagine the emotions you must have been feeling through all of that. I will have to remember your example if/when this situation comes up for us.
Blessings,
Beth
WOW! We don't have our baby home yet, but I pray that I will be able to show even an ounce of the patience you have when these situations arise! (I am impatient by nature - but working on it)! You handled that perfectly! God bless you and your precious family!
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